Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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