if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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