you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize