I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize