Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
