So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
