Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
