No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
