he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
