drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we made out on top of his cat.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
