Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
