Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
