i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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