You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
