i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
