yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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