We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
