Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Im part way to drunk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
