chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
