Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
