oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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