no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Green mimosas i think yes
I want her autograph on my taint
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
