my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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