he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
