dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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