It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
