Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
