I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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