Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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