Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
