My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
