eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
