How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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