I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
