woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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