Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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