It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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