So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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