Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
