can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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