You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
