Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
worst night to have a conscience
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
