She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize