She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
