Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
