he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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