Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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