If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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