we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
