Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
