Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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