Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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