god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
