just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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