You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
