I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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