He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
