Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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