My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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