If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
