I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
