make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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