Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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