ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize