My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
