i just sent this text using only my big toe
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
