; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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