So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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