I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
