I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
