last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
