i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
